Question:
I have attacks and lack self esteem.
I cant spell either.
I'm 44 just stopped smoking 3 months ago
Married 4 times. I'm never happy and go from bad to
worst. At times I cant stand myself. My attacks began before I stopped
smoking as did my mood changes. Thats part of why I stopped.
Whenever I'm faced with strangers or groups of people or even when the
focus is on me I freek. Its all inside so far. But its like all the
blood rushs from or to my brain. My head feels like it skrinks, my arm
grow numb and my upper body gets cold. It last maybe 10 mins and I
cant rid the feelings unless I remove myself from the place I'm at
when it happens. I dont do any drugs and dont want to.
I cant afford 10 doctors to find one who will use me as a giennie pig.
Where can I go? What can I do? I have no hope for help and no trust in
the medical system or funds for it. Yet I must solve this thing that
is screwing up my life and be happy again. I have to do public
speaking a lot more than before also. I belong to a mens group and
dont want to drop membership, it means a lot to me.
Please anyone can you offer any help, suggestions?
Answer:
Cheer up because many of us have been in your shoes. Don't
worry about spelling, no spelling police here. First off, your lack of
self-esteem. You give that to yourself. You have sort of a computer "loop" in
your head that keeps telling yourself you are a loser, so it becomes the truth.
Try giving yourself a different loop. Just as you would reprogram your
computer, make the change. Try writing on some post-its what ever changes you
want to make in yourself, stick them all over the house. Read each one out
loud with FEELING, screaming them if necessary to drown out your old tapes. If
you feel or hear some of the old "loser" jabber coming through, just push it
aside and do some positive reinforcement of your new loop. If you can quit
smoking, which is a damn tough thing to do, you can change your Loser Loop. I
know it sounds hokey, but it really works. But it doesn't happen overnight
either....it took you awhile to teach yourself to feel like a schmuck, it will
take awhile to unlearn it, just like building any other muscle in your body.
You were married 4 times.....wow. But that is in the past now, learn from it.
You know better now, you know the mistakes that were made, don't condemn
yourself to repeat any of them. If you LEARNED something, then it wasn't
wasted time.
You are never happy and hate yourself? That's pretty much because you expect
more from yourself than you are achieving. Nothing more than that. However,
when you are unhappy, other people feel that coming from you and react to that
accordingly. You are the only one that can make a change in yourself. No
magic will come from the outside and do it for you. I know it's ridiculous to
say, but you have to CHOOSE to be happy with what you got dealt in life.
Again, it takes work and changing the brain tapes. Not much different,
actually, than having depressing music on the radio then changing channels.
When you feel yourself thinking, "I'm a loser, I'm miserable, my life
sucks....etc" YOU and only YOU have to stop thinking it and change the channel
and re-think yourself into, "hey, I'm COOL, my life is great, and I'm gonna
make it great, I'm happy and enjoy the day." ..or whatever...then force a smile
on your face, correct your sad posture to happy posture, walk happy, eat happy,
talk happy, even crap happy. Eventually your brain chemistry will follow. The
whole deal is brain chemistry. Chemistry makes you cry, laugh, think, sleep,
everything. Chemistry is also responsible for happy cheerfulness, depression,
obsessive thinking, joy, learning ability, desire, love, even sex. Soooo,
change your chemistry. It can be done.
You've just brilliantly described the perfect panic attack. that's what
happens physiologically when adrenalin hits. That's all it is and nothing
more. It won't kill you, but it will make you feel HORRIBLE for awhile. Panic
attacks come in various forms, you got one. You've managed to learn a new
"tape" for yourself, a particularly rotten one....and sometimes they're real
damn scary.
Well it's good that you are in membership with a group. There might be someone
you can confide in and ask if anyone has had experience with a panic attack
before. You might be surprised at the answers.
If you can't afford a jillion docs, try your family physician. Explain your
panic attacks just as you wrote here and tell him you need help. A little
medication now to stop the panic attacks will go a long way to helping you
re-learn new tapes and relearn how to live panic-free. Some people that are
new to panic attacks can get over it all by using a little medication, a little
therapy to see where the anxiety is coming from and some CBT to unlearn the
behavior that got you where you are and you can be out of it and back to normal
in a reasonable time. To let the condition drag on for years is where
treatment resistance comes in, you don't want that. These things don't usually
heal themselves. If you don't have a family doc, then try your county mental
health department, they usually bill on a sliding scale. Be upfront, and tell
the therapist exactly what you experience with the panic attacks.
If you want to try to fix it yourself, which personally I don't think anyone
can do, there are a million self-hlep books out there. There are supplements,
diets, exercise programs, tapes, videos, books, seminars, self-help
groups.....anything you want. Just start seeking out Panic Disorder and
Anxiety stuff. I'll suggest three new books that have come out recently that
you might want to go to the library and check out.
