Question:
At age 37, after reasonably independent and successful life had
traumatic life experience (awful lingering death of a relative) that
left me a quivering jelly. I didn't know that in this day and age,
someone could die so badly. Tried to put it behind me and just get on
with a busy life, return to "who and how I used to be", though felt
like a totally different person. Home life and marriage went downhill,
work became a huge tedious effort.
Collapsed with stress and exhaustion, and was hospitalised briefly ,
followed by psychiatric treatment with largactil. Life became a
miserable effort with lots of worrying and lack of joy, eventually
returned to psychiatrist after 2 years with manic-depressive symptoms.
Next 4 years were hell, ending in loss of 19 year marriage, home I had
worked so hard to build up, and almost lost contact with my two
children.
Answer:
At age 37, after reasonably independent and successful life had
traumatic life experience (awful lingering death of a relative) that
left me a quivering jelly. I didn't know that in this day and age,
someone could die so badly. Tried to put it behind me and just get on
with a busy life, return to "who and how I used to be", though felt
like a totally different person. Home life and marriage went downhill,
work became a huge tedious effort.
Collapsed with stress and exhaustion, and was hospitalised briefly ,
followed by psychiatric treatment with largactil. Life became a
miserable effort with lots of worrying and lack of joy, eventually
returned to psychiatrist after 2 years with manic-depressive symptoms.
Next 4 years were hell, ending in loss of 19 year marriage, home I had
worked so hard to build up, and almost lost contact with my two
children.
However, a course of Jungian psychoanalysis uncovered childhood roots
of my distress, plus learned to "feel my feelings" with more skill.
This did not prevent another nervous breakdown and 4 weeks of
hospitalisation in January 1990 (worst episode of the whole long
nightmare). When I came out, I found a psychotherapy group and spent 2
years attending it. Learned about the various "roles" I was acting out
in my relationships, and this opened the door to being much more
spontaneity. I got off medication, never to return, but I was still
having bouts of anxiety, depression and even some minor episodes of
psychosis, i.e not really "healed".
Then found (from 1993) a couple of great lifeskills training
organisations and a whole series of healers and wise people who really
started to heal me in the deepest and darkest regions of my psyche. An
important part of recovery was finding people I could safely be exactly
how I felt - whether panicky, crazy, emotional or whatever. By this
time I had worked out that mental illness is the "no-man's land"
between who we used to be and who we really need to mature into.
Anyway, for 5 years now, life has got better and better and I have
found a huge burst of creative, healing and spiritual energy that I
enjoy sharing with others. A real experience of being "born again"
into "not that much easier but certainly much more joyous and
fulfilling" lifestyle and relationships. Some tips learned along the
way, plus some poems written at my most difficult (but also life-
changing) moments, can be found at my website: http://www.stress-
counselling.co.uk
Thanks for reading my story. When I left the psychiatric hospital in
1990, I offered a deal to "God" - even though I was not entirely sure
if there was a "God". The deal was: "let me find the way back to a
normal healthy and happy life and I will go back and help others who
are still in the "pit" of mental illness". "God" kept his part of this
deal, so I am keeping mine!
I see the website link was corrupted by a line break, here it is again:
http://www.stress-counselling.co.uk
