Question:
Ok lets be honest here. About 85% of us have tried it. Even Bill
Clinton. I had a very normal life until I hit 6th grade. I always had to
be in control my whole life. I never had more friends then I could count
on my hand. Even worse I only let 1 or 2 get close to me. I had several
choices and times when "popular kids" wanted me to be one of "them". I
was in special ed. Despite my IQ over 140. I had exceptional
comunication skill with adults. At age 16 I prefered a conversation with
30 year olds. Thats when I experimented. Thats when I moved 3 times in 2
years. Thats when I had a mental breakdown. I remeber freaking out on
Bill Clintons tea. I was in a gas station and all a sudden I became
paranoid, and asked if I could go home. They drove me home and I felt
ok. But that wasnt the first time, in December 1993. I was told I had
smoked some Angel Dust Laced stuff. PCP. I had episodes in school where
the walls would pusate and the room would go yellow or the blue walls
get all bright, even one time the clock jumped. sounds like a pink floyd
cd's cover. But I have a question the combination of feeling alone and
not like your peers, then the need to have 30 year olds except you as
one of them by taking drugs. = Panic Disorder? or has the PCP they
claimed hit my nevous system 7 years ago damaged me for life? please
share with me your feelings group.
Answer:
I smoked pot.....a lot of it! I was my dealers best friend and partners in
dealing at times. I used to smoke so much and it was always weird and made
me kind of paranoid but when I started having anxiety related problems the
paranoia got worse. I ended up hiding anywhere I thought was safe. A
bathtub at one time. Bottom line here is its not good for us. I would like
to see a world without it but that being unrealistic I would at least like
to see the people it effects adversely stop with it. But that's my opinion.
I am now 33 years old. When I was 16 I started smoking dope and then
progressed on to amphetamines. I still smoked a "j" every once in a while.
One evening I snorted and smoked some stuff that took me for a ride.
Hallucinations galore as well as rapid heart rate that would not stop,
disorientation, etc. While in the hospital I was told that my meth was
laced with PCP and that my one time use could result in permanent damage.
The doctors did not explain the extent of the permanent damage. I was
released after 3 days on an antipsychotic medication and Xanax. That was
the beginning of my panic disorder. ( I never again took any type of street
drug) I started having the attacks immediately (sometimes 6 or more per
day) and have been fighting them ever since. I believe that my panic
disorder is directly related to my drug usage. If you do a little research
on drugs like PCP and meth-amphetamines you will find that panic disorder is
common among these people.
I am now resigned that I will have to live with this problem for the rest of
my life. However, I am on Paxil and it has controlled my PD completely. I
can now live a normal life without being plagued by panic.
