Question:
I have always thought I have PD
but after reading what symptoms are caused by PD I am not sure. The only
symptom I get is a very nervous stomach. What I mean is, when I am left
alone I get bad thoughts of wanting to destroy something here in the house,
tearing my clothes of off myself (which I have done a few times, but have
not done it in over 3 years) or sometimes wanting to hurt myself. Once I get
that kind of a thought my stomach gets all upset and I start to cough and
gag. That is the extent of my physical symptoms. However, there are times if
I am at a friends house, out to dinner or in a store, or just out and about
I get a real strong nervous feeling in my stomach, which is caused by a
negative thought. But I say to myself, "I haven't reacted to a thought in a
long time and so I won't react now". When I think this way it helps me calm
myself down. I also have developed a few phobias over the past 4 1/2 years.
This may sound strange to you people but I am not able to drive alone. I
cannot not wear button down dress shirts. I can only wear pull over shirts
or T-shirts. Button down shirts give me the thought of ripping the buttons
and ruining the shirt. I also cannot wear dress slacks....The thin material
on dress slacks, in my mind are very easy to rip and destroy. My wardrobe
nowadays consist of T-shirts and Levis shorts or jeans
I don't get any of the symptoms that stem from PD such as trembling,
shaking, chest pain, fear of dying, shortness of breath...etc. The only
thing I do feel or think about is fear of losing control and that happens
when I am left alone. Now that I think about it, I think I have more anger
in me than anything else. I do know for a fact that my anger stems from my
childhood. My mother was verbally abusive and my father did very little to
stop here.
Does anybody feel the same way I do or close to it? Any comments on this is
greatly appreciated
Answer:
I am curious if you have a diagnosis or if you are even seeing a pdoc? I would
suggest that you go see a psych doctor that is knowledgeable in anxiety
disorders and get diagnosed. From reading your post a few times, I sense that
you *might* be suffering from Obsessive Compulsive disorder. Only a doctor can
make that diagnosis, but you seem to have the symptoms. It seems to me that
your scary thoughts cause you a great deal of distress, and it also sets off
your stomach problems. OCD is a anxiety disorder, it can be treated effectively
with medication and therapy. Here is a quote from a OCD website, I will enclose
a url for a good website on OCD. Read it and see if you relate to it and then
talk to your doctor about it.
~~Obsessions are persistent ideas, thoughts, impulses, or images that are
experienced as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or
distress. The intrusive and inappropriate quality of the obsessions has been
referred to as "ego-dystonic." This refers to the individual's sense that the
content of the obsession is alien, not within his or her own control, and not
the kind of thought that he or she would expect to have. However, the
individual is able to recognize that the obsessions are the product of his or
her own mind and are not imposed form without (as in thought insertion).
The most common obsessions are repeated thoughts about contamination (e.g.,
becoming contaminated by shaking hands), repeated doubts (e.g., wondering
whether one has performed some act such as having hurt someone in a traffic
accident or having left a door unlocked), a need to have things in a particular
order (e.g., intense distress when objects are disordered or asymmetrical),
aggressive or horrific impulses (e.g., to hurt one's child or to shout an
obscenity in church), and sexual imagery (e.g., a recurrent pornographic
image). The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries
about real-life problems (e.g., concerns about current ongoing difficulties in
life, such as financial, work, or school problems) and are unlikely to be
related to a real-life problem~~~
http://panicdisorder.about.com/msubocd01.htm?pid=2791&cob=home
I'm not a doctor but my gut feeling says that you might have something
different going on other than Panic Disorder. According to the criteria for
diagnosis you should have three or more of the symptoms. You feel you have
only one. You could indeed have anxiety symptoms caused by your thoughts. I
would go immediately to the doctor for an assessment since you think you
could hurt yourself and because you say you have sometimes acted out your
thoughts. You also say that you have a lot of unresolved anger. Perhaps some
therapy would help you work through this.
