Question:
My husband suffers with panic anxiety disorder and has for the last 9 years
or so. ( We were married for 3 years before his first "attack". Which of
course resulted in a trip to the ER for EKG's , etc. ) The last 3 years
have been particularly severe. he doesn't leave the city we live in.
Driving 10-20 miles away is a major feat, but can be accomplished only if I
am at his side (he goes no where without me, only to work!) he has been
prescribed meds, but only takes them on a 'need to" basis, except for his
paxil, which was given to him a year ago because of his severe depression
due to the xanax he is on. he does not like the thought of being
"dependent" on meds to cope with this disorder, but he would be incapable of
functioning without them. With his meds he functions but within a very
small perimeter. it takes a large toll on him, and especially our children.
They are aware of his disorder and understand to the best of their ability
(they are 9 1/2, 8 & 3 1/2). I am his "security" so to speak, so even me
doing certain things with the kids that he cannot is unattainable at this
time. I attempted a Sea World trip last year with the kids (we only live 40
minutes away)...total chaos! I wound up making 3 round trips that day. his
attacks are so severe that we once drove 600 miles away for a week long
hunting trip only to arrive, stay 45 minutes, and drive back home!
I am a most supportive wife and certainly don't mean to sound whiney. I am
posting this in hopes of getting feedback from anyone in my position or his.
I read alot of articles or books on panic and anxiety disorders and several
members of his family (mother, and uncles and cousins from his fathers side
of the family) are also plagued with this disorder. I look forward to
hearing from someone.
Answer:
just a quick hello and Welcome to ASAP. Your husband is very
lucky you are so understanding, and supportive. You are doing one of the
best things a spouse can do, by being by him and trying to understand. One
suggestion, you did not mention if he had tried, that you can possibly do
together is Cognitive Behavior Therapy. This works very well for people who
are interested in pushing the boundaries of their disorder. I know many
people have benefited greatly from this treatment here.
First of all, I would like to commend you for reaching out for help for your
husband, and for your wonderful support to him. It takes a very special person
to deal with a spouse, or SO who has an anxiety disorder. Your husband sounds
so much like me it is unreal. I know exactly how he feels, and I know how you
must feel too, because my husband has been there for me over the course of 10
years dealing with this. Has your husband tried CBT? In combination with meds,
it can be of great help to some people suffering from PD. I did not like to
take meds either, but after years of suffering, and trying this med, and that
med, I finally found the one that worked for me.My best suggestion would be to
get your husband to a good Psychiatrist, and go from there.He already has your
support, which is great, because there are some out there who have no support
whatsoever.
Gosh, you are *not* whiney at *all*! You must love your husband very deeply
to stand by his side so very loyally through 6 years of panic and anxiety
attacks.
You said he takes his meds on a "need to" basis. Given the severity of his
suffering, it seems that his "need to" basis is probably every day. I know
a lot of people, especially men (forgive the stereotyping, but that is my
personal experience), do not want to seem "dependent" on medications.
That's an understandable position given how we are socialized to be
completely self-sufficient and independent if at all possible. However, it
may help to point out to him what someone pointed out to me: if a person has
high blood pressure, there is no shame in taking medication to treat/control
it...the same thought pattern should be applied to anti-anxiety meds. I
would encourage you to try to get your husband to a very good psychiatrist
and under very regular (weekly?) supervision for his anxiety/panic. I would
also encourage family sessions with a therapist to help all of you deal with
the strain that such a situation puts on a family.
Finally, I would say "beware": there's a thin, blurry line between being
supportive and being enabling. (I know the group will abhor me saying that,
but I truly believe it and have experienced it on both sides--the enabled
and the enabler.) I'm *not* saying you're an Enabler--no one can know
whether or not you are but you. I'm just saying, "Beware...it's a sticky
situation to get into."
